Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
