Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
