you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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