According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
