I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
