This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
wow bdsm is so cute
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
