i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
