She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
