I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
