Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The power of my boobs compel you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
