dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
