U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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