My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
