Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
