then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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