Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
