Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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