If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
