Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
