Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this boner is exhausting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
