fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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