It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize