things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
