So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize