And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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