I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
