I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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