i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
