At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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