is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
