omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
