if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
