So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
