Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
