worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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