i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
