what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was born a porn star she said
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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