Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
