VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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