it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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