The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
