you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
