You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
