One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
