Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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