I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
