I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
