3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
