when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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