i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
