If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
