im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
