Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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