have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
