Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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