you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
