If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
