if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
