One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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