Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
