The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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