Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's paint friendship bongs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
