If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
