So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
