sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
