Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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