Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
even my farts smell like vagina
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
