i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
