There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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