I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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