How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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